It’s taken me awhile to write this post. I’ve wanted to sugarcoat my words but as the saying goes, “The truth shall set you free.” I was also inspired to write this post because I have nothing to be ashamed of. I am not a person who wallows in self-pity. I am a SURVIVOR! Sometimes I am frustrated when it looks like God is not moving in my life but then I relax, take a step back, and fall on my knees to give Him praise because it could be so much worse for me, as it is for others.
On August 30th, I became homeless. I walked into the Salvation Army with one suitcase, laundry tote, and personal items to enter their co-ed 30-day shelter program. My eyes were red, my heart broken from having no one, but my spirit felt free and peace seemed to encompass me. Standing in line waiting to complete the familiar paperwork that I have processed for thousands of clients – it was now my turn to go through the process. As I sat, God whispered “It is not about you.” I knew then that my presence there would not be the same as it had been for others. I’ve always known that my destiny was always bigger than what others had seen. I’ve never fit inside of a box. My thoughts, ideas, and goals are too big to fit. Being homeless meant that God has some additional pruning to do with me.
After getting settled in and briefly chatting with my three roommates, I thanked God for providing a place for me. In the final hour, He opened a door for me because I could have been living under a bridge as so many homeless men, women, and children do in Michigan. I wanted to document my journey so I whipped out a fresh journal and wrote from my heart. Sitting on a twin bed, I began to write all of what God was speaking in my soul. I felt closer to Him at that moment than I have in months.
I do not fit the stereotype of what a homeless person is supposed to look like. Not only that but I am the founder/executive director of a nonprofit that helps (and always will help) homeless women and children escaping domestic abuse. There are times when I wish I was in dreamland rather than actually living this reality. But, it’s the truth. Here I am: 30 years old and for the first time in my life, I find myself without my own home.
For 10 days, I drank nothing but water. The food was horrible and I am a picky eating-Pescetarian. I did not have a dime to my name nor a penny to make a wish but I knew my ‘fast’ was for a reason unbeknownst to myself. After applying for food stamps via the Internet, I was granted $200. My mother has never received welfare benefits so there was a sense of shame I felt because I am receiving food stamp benefits. But, a girl has to eat…right?
While in the shelter, I noticed that the staff was rude, the residents were unhappy, they lacked faith and were worried to death. Unlike them, I wore a smile and had faith; I was motivated to continue my ministry work and stay encouraged. After a week, I began to really speak with the other residents. At that moment, I knew why I had to be homeless. The women and men had no idea how to overcome their situations. I was no miracle worker, but I knew the majority of every county official, resources, and how to work a computer since I am a total tech geek. Best of all, I knew a Man who could do ALL things. He would deliver me from my circumstances as He would do the same for them also. The shelter only provides a bed and three horrible meals per day. Sunshine, rain, sleet, or snow residents with and without a car MUST leave the shelter from 9 am – 4pm. There were days when the rain was beating down so hard that I hoped a staff member would have a little compassion, better yet a heart, but no such thing occurred. It became a joke because every time I would leave in the rain it would stop instantly. When I arrived at my destination, the rain would resume. I told them that God promised to shelter me in the times of my storms and He would do the same for them.
They were beyond broken and my bubbly personality is just what they needed. I began to encourage and motivate them. In the evening, I would review their paperwork for various housing and outreach programs since the staff would rather vent about the clients returning to the shelter precisely at 4pm. Even in my time of need, I knew God placed me in a situation to be who He has called me to be. I am a giver, helper, over-comer; my tests are my stepping stones. Being homeless gave me a better understanding of what my clients face on a daily basis. I had no life experience in these situations. All I knew was that I wanted to help women and children restore, rebuild, and renew their lives. I wanted women to value their true worth and help their children avoid becoming a product of their environment. For 30 years, I’ve been a ‘pampered princess’. Now, I have more compassion and patience for my clients with whom I will be able to share my story of homelessness and overcoming some of the same issues.
I’ve had to sleep outside in the pouring rain. I’ve gone weeks without eating due to not having any money. I’ve had to cry myself to sleep at night with a broken heart because of the hurt and the pain my family has caused me with no remorse. All that I have given to them and not one of them had offered me a safe place to lay my head. I have no hate or resentment towards them. I cannot allow my heart to be filled with hatefulness because of wrongdoing. God has always sent people who have encouraged me through this journey. I can say I’ve never given up. I’ve cried. I’ve bled, but I am surviving.
Why now? Why did I decide to remove my mask and tell that I am homeless?
One powerful word: Freedom. Most people see me, but they feel as if I do not go through any trials or tribulations. My blog has never really been about my struggles or day-to-day fumbles. I’ve kept a mask on trying to hide what God wants others to see. Not to be ashamed of what I have faced but so that He could get the glory out of it.
My journey isn’t over
I am still searching for housing. I am currently enrolled in school while working to help women and children escape domestic violence and homeless individuals find permanent housing and jobs. To some people, I may seem happy about being homeless. I am not. I am happy that I am passing my life’s tests and coming close to ending this chapter in my Life Book. I am happy that I can remove my mask and show others what God can do in the midst of their storms. How God will deliver you and bless you in front of your ‘enemies.’ I am happy that I am healthy and living a life of purpose. I am no longer in bondage by hiding behind my trials and tribulations. God deserves to get the glory out of my struggles.
Continue to follow me on this road called Life. My blog will be my home where I will open my heart and share my stumbles and fumbles.
Remember, just because you are homeless or in a situation where life throws you a curve ball doesn’t mean you are out of the game.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It is also the same month in which Breast Cancer Awareness is celebrated, advertised and put on public display. However, breast cancer always overshadows the survivors of domestic violence. The media and celebrities put all of their efforts toward this cause while leaving domestic violence in the background with little mention.
I’m a woman and yes my ta ta’s are very important, as I am a survivor of cancer. But I am also a survivor of domestic violence. Is a woman’s safety better yet her life not important? Are celebrities survivors ignoring the fact that they were once a victim silently being battered at the hands of the abusers? One out of four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
On April 23, 2010, Kim Kardashian opened up about being a victim of domestic violence from her ex- husband, Damon Thomas. However, NOT once has she acknowledged such an epidemic, she did tweet about how she was overly excited with having 10 million plus followers.
Why not use Twitter to raise awareness about domestic violence as well as breast cancer? With that number of followers, I am sure at least 1% (1,000,000) of them have first-hand knowledge about domestic violence, either as a victim, witness, or even as a perpetrator. Your ‘voice’ and ‘status’ could be the wake-up call an individual needs to remove themselves from their violent relationship.
Rhianna, Kim Kardshian, Stacey Dash, Juanita Bynum, Chris Brown, Christina Applegate, and Christina Aguilera… We do not HEAR you! Where is YOUR voice? Why aren’t you raising awareness about domestic violence? I’m not asking you to make it your life’s mission but at least make an effort to educate, empower, and enlighten those who “follow” you about an issue that not only made you a better, stronger, wiser person but because you MADE IT OUT ALIVE! Some victims never did and some never will but prayerfully by following you and the efforts from grassroots organizations such as my nonprofit, Touching Heart, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, A New Me Foundation, Saving Promise, and the Pixel Project, among many others, they will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Any of your experiences could be an eye opener for victims; if you could overcome the abuse, they can too. Through all of our collective efforts is the only way we will wipe-out this issue. Domestic violence affects EVERYONE!
Raise YOUR voice!
Support Domestic Violence!
Be silent NO MORE!
In December 2004, under the leadership of the Holy Spirit, used the clay vessels of myself opened a full time domestic violence agency for women who are victims/survivors of domestic violence. Our beginnings were rocky and for last 5 years we struggled financially, personally, inter-personally, spiritually, and emotionally. I was young in my faith walk and leadership ability. I was impulsive, unseasoned, immature, and unready. But I believed God wanted to do something with me and with this ministry.
Six years ago our organization was birthed with the hope of fulfilling a need for transitional housing for survivors of domestic violence. Today, Touching Heart’s focus is to restore, rebuild, and renew ALL women with a special emphasis on those who are domestic violence survivors. The Brooks J. Young Home is open to women and their children. Domestic violence has been a silent issue for a very long time. Touching Heart is committed to being a vocal advocate in eradicating domestic violence. It is also our God given purpose to help EVERY woman who enters our center. Every time the desire became strong to do something for these young women, I saw myself struggling and faltering, I became discouraged and my faith wavered. “Is it really God’s vision for me to help women through the Touching Heart ministry?” I would doubtingly wonder.
At each season of discouragement, God directed me to Habakkuk 2:3: “For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry wait for it; it will surely come, it will not tarry.”
He (God) kept saying, “It will surely come.”
Even now I get teary eyed just thinking about it. I am filled with love and adoration to my Heavenly Father for His faithfulness and eternal love and for His plan and purpose that will not be thwarted by principalities, powers, spiritual wickedness in high places, nor even my own faltering and fumbling. I now see God’s faithfulness toward me personally more than ever before.
I was a lost soul with a lot of hurt, pain, and hate in my heart yet God gave me something so precious, despite my doubtful spirit. Touching Heart literally saved my life. When I gave up on myself, family, and anything that involved love, God came into my life. He renewed, rebuilt, and restored me so that I could be a better leader, friend, wife, and future mother. How could I teach other women to love themselves, when I never loved myself? God came in my life and created and renewed a right spirit within me. He restored my faith and now I put all of my trust in Him and Him alone. I have learned the value of self and how to lean on God for the strength I seek in my life.
I’m proud to announce that the time has surely come! The time to minister full time to women with a biblical based, spiritually motivated, Holy Spirit anointed restoration program. Not only did Touching Heart receive a spiritual makeover, but we (staff and volunteers) have learned the value of team work.
We still have work to do, but with the new vision and the anointing over this ministry we have no choice but to SOAR!! We will provide several programs to restore faith in the lives of hurting women. We will give them the tools necessary to become self-sufficient, while holding steadfast to the power of God!
The time has come! The time to move forward. The time to walk IN the vision, not toward the vision. The time of greater miracles from our Heavenly Father. The time to end our faltering, doubting, struggling, wondering, and hesitating.
The time has come for God to burst our hearts open with His purposes and fulfill His plan for our lives and for this ministry. Will you become a part of this vision? Will you walk with us as we walk in the appointed time of this vision? We have great needs. Will you ask the Holy Spirit how you can help and move according to His plan and purpose? Join us as we continue to be humble servants for the Lord.
I’ve decided to participate in the Happy Black Woman’s #31DaysReset Challenge.
You’ll get exercises to help you:
- Get out of an unsatisfying rut
- Rediscover who you truly are
- Develop a personal mission statement
- Create a map for your ideal life
- Envision and pursue your passion and purpose
- Get clear about your goals for the future
- Eliminate limiting beliefs that are holding you back from being happy
- Experiment with new strategies for living a healthy life
- Strengthen important relationships
- Cultivate the entrepreneurial spirit within
- …and much more!
For more information click here.
My Reset Notebook will be a composition notebook and my blog.
My personal mantra is “to thine own self be true.“
My theme songs are “The Battle is the Lord” by Yolanda Adams, “He Wants It All” by Forever Jones and “I’m Still Standing” by Monica. I’ve been playing Yolanda Adams EVERY single day since May 2001. It’s what keeps me going when things get rocky and it motivates me to keep going. Forever Jones is new on my radar. The first time I heard it I loved the song. It speaks to your heart and the message is clear: God wants my all. He wants me to give Him every struggle, heartache, goal, dream, prayer – EVERYTHING! I have. “I’m Still Standing” I think the title says enough.
*I could not pick just one. Sorry 
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